Assignments

1st of all Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim friends
And of course we got a week of Raya break
But to me it ain't a break at all
More like a week for us to rush assignments
Rush-assignment-week ah TwT

First of all is English
Have to start on the report's draft already
Draft has to be handed in by 8th of August

Second is Biology
We are asked to choose a topic
And do a slide on it
I chose MRI
Magnetic Resonance Imaging
Seen in those HK drama before
And it's quite interesting hahaha

Cool eh XD
And also have to hand in the draft by 8th of August

WHAT IS WRONG WITH 8/8/14 =3=

And added another task by myself is to finish reading Kite Runner
HOPEFULLY /3\

Kk la
Gonna work on it now
CHAYOK

Sorry

*cough*
It's quite a long time since I updated my blog
And it's even kinda awkward for me now to start
So I started off with a cough hahaha

I'm sorry.

I'm really feeling kinda down these days
It started on the day I received my sem 1 finals' results
I was still on my Penang trip with pudding
I failed my chemistry, yea I got no regrets for that cuz I've really tried my best
Even I've worked hard but I still failed miserably
Maybe I didn't work hard enough
Maybe I studied the wrong way
Idk but it really is depressing
Everyone can move on to the next sem
As for me I have to take an additional sem
5 months all on my own
Ik it's only a small matter
But I cannot cope with this
I tend to overthink everyday
I even paid RM50 for the clerical check
Which now I'm telling myself not to get my hopes on it too high up
Cuz lots of people told me the outcome most probably will still be the same
But hey, it's still a small small hope, the only small small hope I can bet on

I've been putting a fake smiley face these days
I don't want to show my weak side to others
I laughed I smiled everyday
But I find this is actually really really tiring
I hated sem 2
I missed sem 1
I still feel like I've wasted my dad's money
But what to do I've worked hard
I wouldn't say I'm really hardworking
But I'm comparing to myself, I'm way much more better than the old me
I'm a failure

And to that someone, not sure will you be reading this but
No offense I'm just gonna voice out what I felt
I thought we're already considered close friends
But apparently, only I felt so, only I thought so
I always believed how you treat your friends, and that's the way your friends are going to treat you back
That's why I always treated almost all of my close friends with a true and sincere heart
Even sometimes my mom would scolded me stupid for doing so
All I replied her was a smile
Maybe my soulmate was right, nobody asks me to care, so why should I care that much?
Idk, I can't stop myself from caring the ones I cared
It felt like these days, I've been avoided or what
Same class, but it's even pathetic to say, so what?
Are we hanging out like we used to?
I would even preferred to go back to sem 1, although have to stay till very late, bare with the terrible traffics, not even same class for a single subject
But at least, I felt really really happy
I was even excited to attend classes, everyday
Now? Sometimes I even felt like, can I not go today, can I stay at home today etc
Sometimes I even tried to squeeze out some free time out, but so what?
Rejected. Speechlessly, I said it's okay, never mind.

Sorry for being naive, stupid enough to care too much
Sorry if I annoyed you, I'm too childish to be handled
I get hyper at times, even I'm annoyed by myself, regretting why would I have took such stupid and reckless actions

I'm sorry. Once again.

-caring too much may hurt yourself too-

Mottephobia

Mottephobia aka moth phobia

Yes

I'm afraid of moth

Or any flying insects like dragonfly or butterflies or flying cockroach etc

But the one I feared the most is moth

I know it won't bite or it won't kill me

But idk why I'm so deadly afraid of it

Luckily I'm living in apartment, 4th floor, which it most likely couldn't reach this height

Incident happened just now

And nobody cares, nobody takes it seriously

There was a moth at the door

Everyone ran out

Leaving me alone in the dark room, with a fcking moth

I've never felt so frightened in my life before

I got so scared that I cried

I got so scared that I couldn't stop trembling

I got so scared that my legs are shaking and I don't even have the strength to walk out

I was hoping someone will come for my rescue

Especially my dear o mom

But instead of helping me a little

She was teasing and scolding me like it was only a small matter 

Yea, it is a small matter to you or to everyone

BUT NOT TO ME OKAY

I HAVE MOTH PHOBIA

Or you can say insects phobia

I couldn't help this

I just got so scared and felt so helpless

That I actually rather I could die now

I'm so seriously scared

You were so seriously not believing me

I know I am so useless

Again

Why am I so useless?

Failure

So I received my finals results for sem 1

Knew it during the Penang trip with pudding tho

2 D and 1 F

A F for chemistry

2 marks away from passing

Speechless

First time purely no cheating

First time studied early 

Paid attention in class

Only for once I was daydreaming

Can't help it cuz that day I was going to present for English

So I was dead nervous

Couldn't eat couldn't joke like I used to

So not me LOL

Tried so hard not to think about it during Penang trip 

I knew it would ruin my mood 

I scared I would cry in front of everyone 

I thought I've let it go

But actually I haven't 

Went to see Ms Edith today

And she said for accelerated class, if I failed one subject I must take additional semester 

And then I was so so so miserable

I don't wanna take additional sem alone

I hated to be alone

I scared to be on my own

I know I must learn to be more independent

But I just couldn't 

By the time I'm having my extra semester 

My friends would all be in monash already

And I'll be all alone in MUFY

I might be joining with July intakes

And everyone would be already having their own gang

I'm not good at being socializing 

I'm not good at approaching for new friends

I would miss my friends until I die 

It's not like I didn't pay attention in class

It's not like I didn't work hard

It's not like I didn't do revisions

Why?

It's still only two more marks

God damn this shit

Appealed for clerical check

Ms Edith told me to be mentally prepared that usually the outcome will still be a F

And that costed me RM50

Put money issue aside

It's only two more marks for god's sake

Please let me pass this shit

I don't wanna waste my parents' money for an extra sem

Why am I so useless?